Merong na nakatambay.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Crazy Little Thing Called "Love"

...and then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like "I love you".
- Frank Sinatra
'Cause I'm half crazy, feelin' sorry for myself... half crazy, worried you'd find someone else to love.
- Johnny Gill
I will love you till they take my heart away.
- Claire Marlow
I've been burned and I've been hurt before. So I know just how you feel, trust my love is real for you.
- Jose Mari Chan
You are in my thoughts all day and night. I can't get you out of my mind, I think I'm in love.
- Kuh Ledesma
One thing's for sure: I'm all knocked out; I spend too much time thinking of you.
- D'Sound


*****



To play the music...
1) Click the player above to activate the control.
2) Click the "Stop" button.
3) Click the "Play" button and wait for the song.
Note: It could take long to load depending on your connection speed. I say, it's worth the wait.
*****

Funny how love could be THAT big a factor to the lives of those who succumb in its ever complicated comings and goings. Many have tried to understand the science behind its complexities and some even claimed expertise over it but truth is: love is a huge maze of a thousand exits, lots of possible outcomes but none would come straightforwardly. No matter what love doctors and heart counselors would try to expound (and all so knowingly... no offence Mister Mango) out of a love predicament, there'll be no concrete explanation that'll lead to a concrete solution at all. I guess, we're all amateurs in this mystery game called "love".

Just go with the flow and hope (and pray) that it will lead you to one of thousand happy exits of the maze. In my honest opinion, it's better than holding back and see no exits at all.

*****

Funny how retard and trite one could get to impress, to woo, or to flatter their darling beloved. More so funny are those who deny their corniness when it blatantly shows. Personally, I see no disgrace in it. Aside, of course, for its slight affront to the male machismo persona or to the female Maria Clara stereotype.

Sa mga pare ko:
Being corny is just expressing our love and concerns with the most romantic act we're available of. No matter how stupid you look cradling that bunch of roses or how cheesy you've composed your poem of sorts, in the end it's "that you've loved" that matters. It's that lil celebrative satisfaction inside that despite what others might think of you, despite how crazy you've been, despite how your ego gnawed at your personality, you followed your heart and din't give a damn about it all... win or lose.

Yun nga lang, minsan madali sabihin pero gahirap gawin. Sa kaso ko, hindi lang minsan. And that last word just bites a piece of me. LOSE. What if after all the ego lost, after the corniness endured, after all the selfless efforts, we'll lose? Thinking of it alone readily hurts me so, how much more to experience it for real again? Most will say that "you won't know if you won't try" but tell me, will the "try" worth the "hurt" if we lose?

Or maybe it's the side of me that's still not ready to get hurt again, talking. Hehe... kawawang bata.

Sa mga mare ko:
Deviance to the scope of being a "dalagang Filipina" doesn't automatically mean you're a flirt, a bitch, or whatever street expletives of such nature. Personally, being openly expressive of what you feel to someone you like, should not be delimited as an exclusive "guy thing". Off traditional as it may seem, I believe that as long as you know your place and your stand is morally justifiable, there's nothing irrational to such very human action. Most will still view it as outlandish and probably tag you a bad rep but heck... I say, to love or not to love... be loved or left alone... it's a choice that no one should give a f#$% unto but you because in the end it's you who will reap its consequences.

Walang kelaman ng trip. Hehe.

*****

Minsan naging topic ng tropa yung tunkol sa isang bagay na bumabagabag sa napakaraming kalalakihan sa mundo (aahh hanep)... yung ka-torpehan ba. Araguy! Langya, syempre sapul sapul ako. Kaya resbak agad ang tinamaan.

Ang react ko gento:

Marami talagang disadvantages kapag medyo torpe ka. Ano yan e... "been there, done that" thing na hindi ko na kelangan pag isipan pa kasi hustler ako dyan... sa pagbabagal. Kung anong pagka-"tulis" ng erpats ko e sa akin yata inutang ng tadhana at siya namang olats ko sa ganyang departamento. Minsan naiinis ako kasi syempre aware ka na maraming trip trip lang sa kanila ang (1) manligaw, (2) magka-syota, (3) repeat 1 and 2, at (4) repeat 1 and 2 all over again. Hindi ko kasi masakyan yung ganun na parang laro laro lang umibig. Pero wag ka, sinubok ko yan minsan. Para maranasan lang ba. Kaso olats talaga e... di ko makuha yung konseptong makipag-gaguhan. Pero tamo... ikaw 'tong seryoso, ikaw pa yung walang lakas ng loob. Ano ba tagalog ng "ironic"?

Minsan nakakalunkot din maisip yung mga "what might have been" moments dati na sumablay lang dahil tatanga tanga ka... ako, pala. Tas syempre dahil wala kang palusot, isipin mo na lang na may reason si God kung bakit ganun. Siguro hindi talaga dapat "kayo" or something. Lagi naman ganun e. Hindi ko lang alam kung may propesyon ba yan or Masteral pero sigurado ako na kung meron man, kapalan-mukha na kong mag-eenrol... pero yun ata kulang ko in the first place - kapal ng mukha. Sagwa lang pakinggan di ba, na pre-requisite pala yung kapal muks para maipadama mo yung nilalaman ng puso mo (yeba!), na dapat pala sanay kang magmukhang tanga kung magmamahal ka (yiheee!).

Pero minsan lang yan nakakainis, minsan lang yan nakakalunkot. Most of the time, entertaining yan. Mga tamang buti na lang torpe ka kasi kung hindi malamang babaero ka, gadami mong kabit, iiyak si Echo dahil masusulot mo si Heart, ikaw ang magugustuhan ni Madame Auring at hindi si Archie, and so on.

Seriously, na-analyze ko dati habang nakikipagdaldalan sa mga tropa kong mare sa Recto na mas dapat paboran kapag may dumidiskarte sa kanilang torpe tas trip din naman nila. Kasi tamo, sanka... sa magaling manligaw at kasing bilis ni Flash dumiskarte na pwede nya din naman gawin ulit sa iba? O sa torpeng kabado na alam mong kahit magbalak mangaliwa o maghanap ng pamalit e sadyang hindi posible dahil hindi nya nga kaya at wala syang lakas ng loob dumiga?

Kung pagiisipan yang mabuti (mas mainam kung sa banyo habang naka-upo), si Flash "can afford" yan mawalan ng irog dahil alam niya na may kapasidad siyang maghanap at madaling makapanligaw ng iba na parang kumakain lang ng mani sa kanto. I mean, walang pressure sa kanya ang lahat. Sa torpe (kung sakaling nagka himala't naging "kayo"), palaging may pagdadalwang isip yan kung makikipaghiwalay o hindi. Dahil alam nya na gahirap na naman dumiskarte from scratch. Dama nyan yung mga dating katakot-takot nyang ensayo sa harap ng salamin para lang masabi sa girl na "Hi!" at manhihinayang yan sa nakalap nyang lakas ng loob para i-text yung girl ng "TCCIC - Tke care Coz i care". Point is, priceless at selfless ang effort ng mga torpe. Mas may pagpapahalaga tong mga to sa dadaanan nilang ordeal or kung ano man ang tagalog ng ordeal.

Bottom line: siguro kung ako yung mare tas may nagpaparamdam na torpe tas trip ko din naman, tulung-tulungan ko na lang siguro para mag speak-up. Most likely kasi, ang kaso nyan e parang diesel... kelangan lang ng preliminary spark para mag perform. O di ba, Torpe Empowerment!

*****

A Letter To the One that God has Prepared For Me
Anonymous

I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me, if like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other. Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you.

I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions.

Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known "love". I do not have the answer to that
question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person.... and since I have not found you yet, then maybe I do not really know what love is!

You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms.
Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways!

I don't really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes. I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me --- the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice.

After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect --- for YOU! I wonder if you've gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you've been hurt so many times along the journey.

But my dearest one, please don't ever give up because I am right here... patiently waiting for
you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds by my love.

At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to
tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love.

And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then, I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, in spite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life --- and I would be very thankful because they all led me to you!

In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don't even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don't worry, don't be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow, lead to me.

*****

On my spunky new layout:

At last, after almost a year of planning to change my blog layout, I was able to find some time to actually work on it. I originally planned on having a grungy artistic feel to its design but for the general theme and catch phrase, I have tons of ideas leaping out of my mind. These had been some of my juicy options:

1) Kulto ni Obi - I've wanted this to be dark and druidic in a comic way. I dunno how can I pull it off but that was the plan. I was thinking deep green colors on majority black backdraft for the color scheme.

2) Cure to the Itch - Booze themed. I wanted fizzing beers and alcoholic logos everywhere. Not that I'm a good "drinker" (in fact it was the opposite) but the masculine impact would be cool. I was thinking it could be the blog version of the "The Man Show" (that show with girls jumping on trampoline) with free frothing beer mugs everywhere.

3) Bloody Soccer Hooligan - Football everywhere. I've had this Socceroo shirt signed by my Aussie mates on my last football game in Sydney and one of them, Frank, wrote there: "Obi, you're a bloody football hooligan!". That inspired this idea, and I even thought of using that sign-crammed shirt as a background image. The only problem is how will I incorporate grunge with football, so I'd rather scrapped the idea.

4) Tapsiblog - Tapa, Sinigang, Blog. Another comic way to emphasize my "blog for breakfast" mentality. If most people jumpstart their day with coffee, newspaper, toasts etc., me I'm basically contented doing my blogroll and web rounds to start my morning... yes, even in an empty stomach. I'm not used to taking breakfast anyway.

5) Rockstar Jinx - Inspired by my passion for music... bands and guitars, more so. The catchphrase was a parody of Rockstar: INXS but the blog's theme would have nothing in particular about the show. I just want the design to look "rock music". This design had been so enticing that I've already found the layout to edit and downloaded several fonts to complement it.

Most of the others din't pique my taste as the concepts above. Ultimately, however, the cheesy me won over the funky me and the result... tada, a subtle mix of both (cheese funk)!

Life Cycle of a Dysfunctional Romantic

I like how the catchphrase worked cohesively with my intended grunge theme. Despite "cheesiness" (if there's such a word) on its quality, there's still this hint of rebellious impression that suited my mood perfectly.

Dysfunctional romantic, literally someone who was predisposed to be sentimental and characteristically romantic but is unable to for some reasons. I believe that would best describe my outlook at the moment and is a good starting point to conceptualize everything in this blog from. With this in mind, I've worked out to have a unique feel of hesitant mushiness on the overall theme of the layout... an undecided atmosphere on what these love stuffs are really all about, is this an outright senti blog or just another guy blog? It's as if holding back a soft side in me with a tough mask as disguise... all the while still retaining bits of zany wackiness. Well, that's the plan. I hope I've packaged all of em neat since I really intended to have this new journal to be more reflective of "me" than the Obi Macapuno layout.

The nitty-gritty:

The defaced heart on the background was re-edited by LeeDeeya from someone's entry in DeviantArt and both persona were credited here for this lovely art. It really captured everything that I needed for my concept... grungy, mushy but spiteful, artistic, flawlessly edited, and most importantly, it has violet hues!

The font I used to write the words on the art is from Blambot and I particularly colored it purplish pink to complement with the violet color scheme, making it lighter to standout at fore despite the sporadic darker streaks. "Write Love. Read Love. Talk love." is the mushy element, giving an idea of romanticism despite the grungy look of the art. "Dysfunctional Romantic" is as interpreted above. For "Finding 'Courage' Since 1981", "Torpe since birth" is it's more straightforward interpretation. Bwehehehe.

In most web browsers, you'll notice two cute beating hearts on the lower right hand side of the page. That's from Cyber GIF's and I've incorporated it as a hit counter image for Software Wings. That's what's left of the random butterfly flying around my old Obi Macapuno page. In page load, it will display a message and right after it, any mouse hover on top of those hearts will display a condensed version of my favorite Euripedes love quote "There's always some madness in love but there's always some reason in madness." True, isn't it?

So yeah, that's basically it. Frankly, I'm pretty much satisfied with this work. I say, it justified my intention to have a more personal affinity with my journal. Time to end my very long introductory post and at last, I could resume buggering my blogrolls!!

I iz back!

9 Comments:

Anonymous kars said...

gusto ko yong letter.

kala ko puro computers and airsoft ka lang. meron din palang romantic side sayo.

mejo nahilo lang ako sa layout mo.

9/21/2006 3:04 PM  
Anonymous cruise said...

obi, importante ang love, kung walang love baka wala tayong lahat dito ;)

9/22/2006 11:19 AM  
Blogger Iskoo said...

akmang akma ang topic mo ngayon sa skin ng blog mo. maganda!

9/22/2006 11:20 AM  
Blogger Obi Macapuno said...

karz: kahilo no? nag tetesting pa nga ko ng ibang color para sa font e kung ano yung lulutang sa background. sakit na nga ulo ko e. huhuhu.

kruz: hehe ye. all we need is love.

izkoo: ye. sinadya ko yan. hehe.

9/22/2006 4:44 PM  
Blogger cruise said...

ganda ng bago mong layout matagal ko na gusto magpalit pewro di ko magawa..di kasi ako marunong, hahaha.

ok yung design parang tinamaan ng airsoft ball yung puso, sumabulat ang dugo, haha. joke! ang lupet talaga ng design. in love ka ba?

9/24/2006 2:51 PM  
Blogger joyce said...

nahihirapan po akong basahin. :(

mukhang maganda pa naman ung post mo (tungkol sa LOVE, inlove ka po ba?) :D hindi ko pa nababasa ng maayos, bumisita lang ako ulit.

Cool kung sa cool ung lay out, gawan mo na lng po ng paraan ung text :D

basahin ko mamaya to, then saka ako magcomment ng maayos ulit. :)

Bloghopping... tagal k nang hindi nakakapag-blog-hop.

9/25/2006 10:46 AM  
Blogger aCey said...

uuyyyy..... ayeee!

9/25/2006 12:26 PM  
Blogger jai skizzy said...

ayos! maganda! bravo!

9/25/2006 9:04 PM  
Blogger Obi Macapuno said...

cruz: medyo lang pre. hehe. naku pre sakit ng ulo mag palit. mamirmi ka na lang sa layout mo. mas simple pa.

joyz: ang golo nga ng kolay e. kahit ako labong labo. hehe. salamats sa daan.

azee: ahuhuhuy. kinikilig ako. hehe.

skizzyo: salamats. sana lang may tamang kulay na lumutang sa background.

9/26/2006 4:56 PM  

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Obi Macapuno: Crazy Little Thing Called "Love"

Merong na nakatambay.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Crazy Little Thing Called "Love"

...and then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like "I love you".
- Frank Sinatra
'Cause I'm half crazy, feelin' sorry for myself... half crazy, worried you'd find someone else to love.
- Johnny Gill
I will love you till they take my heart away.
- Claire Marlow
I've been burned and I've been hurt before. So I know just how you feel, trust my love is real for you.
- Jose Mari Chan
You are in my thoughts all day and night. I can't get you out of my mind, I think I'm in love.
- Kuh Ledesma
One thing's for sure: I'm all knocked out; I spend too much time thinking of you.
- D'Sound


*****



To play the music...
1) Click the player above to activate the control.
2) Click the "Stop" button.
3) Click the "Play" button and wait for the song.
Note: It could take long to load depending on your connection speed. I say, it's worth the wait.
*****

Funny how love could be THAT big a factor to the lives of those who succumb in its ever complicated comings and goings. Many have tried to understand the science behind its complexities and some even claimed expertise over it but truth is: love is a huge maze of a thousand exits, lots of possible outcomes but none would come straightforwardly. No matter what love doctors and heart counselors would try to expound (and all so knowingly... no offence Mister Mango) out of a love predicament, there'll be no concrete explanation that'll lead to a concrete solution at all. I guess, we're all amateurs in this mystery game called "love".

Just go with the flow and hope (and pray) that it will lead you to one of thousand happy exits of the maze. In my honest opinion, it's better than holding back and see no exits at all.

*****

Funny how retard and trite one could get to impress, to woo, or to flatter their darling beloved. More so funny are those who deny their corniness when it blatantly shows. Personally, I see no disgrace in it. Aside, of course, for its slight affront to the male machismo persona or to the female Maria Clara stereotype.

Sa mga pare ko:
Being corny is just expressing our love and concerns with the most romantic act we're available of. No matter how stupid you look cradling that bunch of roses or how cheesy you've composed your poem of sorts, in the end it's "that you've loved" that matters. It's that lil celebrative satisfaction inside that despite what others might think of you, despite how crazy you've been, despite how your ego gnawed at your personality, you followed your heart and din't give a damn about it all... win or lose.

Yun nga lang, minsan madali sabihin pero gahirap gawin. Sa kaso ko, hindi lang minsan. And that last word just bites a piece of me. LOSE. What if after all the ego lost, after the corniness endured, after all the selfless efforts, we'll lose? Thinking of it alone readily hurts me so, how much more to experience it for real again? Most will say that "you won't know if you won't try" but tell me, will the "try" worth the "hurt" if we lose?

Or maybe it's the side of me that's still not ready to get hurt again, talking. Hehe... kawawang bata.

Sa mga mare ko:
Deviance to the scope of being a "dalagang Filipina" doesn't automatically mean you're a flirt, a bitch, or whatever street expletives of such nature. Personally, being openly expressive of what you feel to someone you like, should not be delimited as an exclusive "guy thing". Off traditional as it may seem, I believe that as long as you know your place and your stand is morally justifiable, there's nothing irrational to such very human action. Most will still view it as outlandish and probably tag you a bad rep but heck... I say, to love or not to love... be loved or left alone... it's a choice that no one should give a f#$% unto but you because in the end it's you who will reap its consequences.

Walang kelaman ng trip. Hehe.

*****

Minsan naging topic ng tropa yung tunkol sa isang bagay na bumabagabag sa napakaraming kalalakihan sa mundo (aahh hanep)... yung ka-torpehan ba. Araguy! Langya, syempre sapul sapul ako. Kaya resbak agad ang tinamaan.

Ang react ko gento:

Marami talagang disadvantages kapag medyo torpe ka. Ano yan e... "been there, done that" thing na hindi ko na kelangan pag isipan pa kasi hustler ako dyan... sa pagbabagal. Kung anong pagka-"tulis" ng erpats ko e sa akin yata inutang ng tadhana at siya namang olats ko sa ganyang departamento. Minsan naiinis ako kasi syempre aware ka na maraming trip trip lang sa kanila ang (1) manligaw, (2) magka-syota, (3) repeat 1 and 2, at (4) repeat 1 and 2 all over again. Hindi ko kasi masakyan yung ganun na parang laro laro lang umibig. Pero wag ka, sinubok ko yan minsan. Para maranasan lang ba. Kaso olats talaga e... di ko makuha yung konseptong makipag-gaguhan. Pero tamo... ikaw 'tong seryoso, ikaw pa yung walang lakas ng loob. Ano ba tagalog ng "ironic"?

Minsan nakakalunkot din maisip yung mga "what might have been" moments dati na sumablay lang dahil tatanga tanga ka... ako, pala. Tas syempre dahil wala kang palusot, isipin mo na lang na may reason si God kung bakit ganun. Siguro hindi talaga dapat "kayo" or something. Lagi naman ganun e. Hindi ko lang alam kung may propesyon ba yan or Masteral pero sigurado ako na kung meron man, kapalan-mukha na kong mag-eenrol... pero yun ata kulang ko in the first place - kapal ng mukha. Sagwa lang pakinggan di ba, na pre-requisite pala yung kapal muks para maipadama mo yung nilalaman ng puso mo (yeba!), na dapat pala sanay kang magmukhang tanga kung magmamahal ka (yiheee!).

Pero minsan lang yan nakakainis, minsan lang yan nakakalunkot. Most of the time, entertaining yan. Mga tamang buti na lang torpe ka kasi kung hindi malamang babaero ka, gadami mong kabit, iiyak si Echo dahil masusulot mo si Heart, ikaw ang magugustuhan ni Madame Auring at hindi si Archie, and so on.

Seriously, na-analyze ko dati habang nakikipagdaldalan sa mga tropa kong mare sa Recto na mas dapat paboran kapag may dumidiskarte sa kanilang torpe tas trip din naman nila. Kasi tamo, sanka... sa magaling manligaw at kasing bilis ni Flash dumiskarte na pwede nya din naman gawin ulit sa iba? O sa torpeng kabado na alam mong kahit magbalak mangaliwa o maghanap ng pamalit e sadyang hindi posible dahil hindi nya nga kaya at wala syang lakas ng loob dumiga?

Kung pagiisipan yang mabuti (mas mainam kung sa banyo habang naka-upo), si Flash "can afford" yan mawalan ng irog dahil alam niya na may kapasidad siyang maghanap at madaling makapanligaw ng iba na parang kumakain lang ng mani sa kanto. I mean, walang pressure sa kanya ang lahat. Sa torpe (kung sakaling nagka himala't naging "kayo"), palaging may pagdadalwang isip yan kung makikipaghiwalay o hindi. Dahil alam nya na gahirap na naman dumiskarte from scratch. Dama nyan yung mga dating katakot-takot nyang ensayo sa harap ng salamin para lang masabi sa girl na "Hi!" at manhihinayang yan sa nakalap nyang lakas ng loob para i-text yung girl ng "TCCIC - Tke care Coz i care". Point is, priceless at selfless ang effort ng mga torpe. Mas may pagpapahalaga tong mga to sa dadaanan nilang ordeal or kung ano man ang tagalog ng ordeal.

Bottom line: siguro kung ako yung mare tas may nagpaparamdam na torpe tas trip ko din naman, tulung-tulungan ko na lang siguro para mag speak-up. Most likely kasi, ang kaso nyan e parang diesel... kelangan lang ng preliminary spark para mag perform. O di ba, Torpe Empowerment!

*****

A Letter To the One that God has Prepared For Me
Anonymous

I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me, if like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other. Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you.

I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions.

Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known "love". I do not have the answer to that
question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person.... and since I have not found you yet, then maybe I do not really know what love is!

You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms.
Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways!

I don't really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes. I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me --- the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice.

After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect --- for YOU! I wonder if you've gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you've been hurt so many times along the journey.

But my dearest one, please don't ever give up because I am right here... patiently waiting for
you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds by my love.

At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to
tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love.

And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then, I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, in spite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life --- and I would be very thankful because they all led me to you!

In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don't even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don't worry, don't be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow, lead to me.

*****

On my spunky new layout:

At last, after almost a year of planning to change my blog layout, I was able to find some time to actually work on it. I originally planned on having a grungy artistic feel to its design but for the general theme and catch phrase, I have tons of ideas leaping out of my mind. These had been some of my juicy options:

1) Kulto ni Obi - I've wanted this to be dark and druidic in a comic way. I dunno how can I pull it off but that was the plan. I was thinking deep green colors on majority black backdraft for the color scheme.

2) Cure to the Itch - Booze themed. I wanted fizzing beers and alcoholic logos everywhere. Not that I'm a good "drinker" (in fact it was the opposite) but the masculine impact would be cool. I was thinking it could be the blog version of the "The Man Show" (that show with girls jumping on trampoline) with free frothing beer mugs everywhere.

3) Bloody Soccer Hooligan - Football everywhere. I've had this Socceroo shirt signed by my Aussie mates on my last football game in Sydney and one of them, Frank, wrote there: "Obi, you're a bloody football hooligan!". That inspired this idea, and I even thought of using that sign-crammed shirt as a background image. The only problem is how will I incorporate grunge with football, so I'd rather scrapped the idea.

4) Tapsiblog - Tapa, Sinigang, Blog. Another comic way to emphasize my "blog for breakfast" mentality. If most people jumpstart their day with coffee, newspaper, toasts etc., me I'm basically contented doing my blogroll and web rounds to start my morning... yes, even in an empty stomach. I'm not used to taking breakfast anyway.

5) Rockstar Jinx - Inspired by my passion for music... bands and guitars, more so. The catchphrase was a parody of Rockstar: INXS but the blog's theme would have nothing in particular about the show. I just want the design to look "rock music". This design had been so enticing that I've already found the layout to edit and downloaded several fonts to complement it.

Most of the others din't pique my taste as the concepts above. Ultimately, however, the cheesy me won over the funky me and the result... tada, a subtle mix of both (cheese funk)!

Life Cycle of a Dysfunctional Romantic

I like how the catchphrase worked cohesively with my intended grunge theme. Despite "cheesiness" (if there's such a word) on its quality, there's still this hint of rebellious impression that suited my mood perfectly.

Dysfunctional romantic, literally someone who was predisposed to be sentimental and characteristically romantic but is unable to for some reasons. I believe that would best describe my outlook at the moment and is a good starting point to conceptualize everything in this blog from. With this in mind, I've worked out to have a unique feel of hesitant mushiness on the overall theme of the layout... an undecided atmosphere on what these love stuffs are really all about, is this an outright senti blog or just another guy blog? It's as if holding back a soft side in me with a tough mask as disguise... all the while still retaining bits of zany wackiness. Well, that's the plan. I hope I've packaged all of em neat since I really intended to have this new journal to be more reflective of "me" than the Obi Macapuno layout.

The nitty-gritty:

The defaced heart on the background was re-edited by LeeDeeya from someone's entry in DeviantArt and both persona were credited here for this lovely art. It really captured everything that I needed for my concept... grungy, mushy but spiteful, artistic, flawlessly edited, and most importantly, it has violet hues!

The font I used to write the words on the art is from Blambot and I particularly colored it purplish pink to complement with the violet color scheme, making it lighter to standout at fore despite the sporadic darker streaks. "Write Love. Read Love. Talk love." is the mushy element, giving an idea of romanticism despite the grungy look of the art. "Dysfunctional Romantic" is as interpreted above. For "Finding 'Courage' Since 1981", "Torpe since birth" is it's more straightforward interpretation. Bwehehehe.

In most web browsers, you'll notice two cute beating hearts on the lower right hand side of the page. That's from Cyber GIF's and I've incorporated it as a hit counter image for Software Wings. That's what's left of the random butterfly flying around my old Obi Macapuno page. In page load, it will display a message and right after it, any mouse hover on top of those hearts will display a condensed version of my favorite Euripedes love quote "There's always some madness in love but there's always some reason in madness." True, isn't it?

So yeah, that's basically it. Frankly, I'm pretty much satisfied with this work. I say, it justified my intention to have a more personal affinity with my journal. Time to end my very long introductory post and at last, I could resume buggering my blogrolls!!

I iz back!

9 Comments:

Anonymous kars said...

gusto ko yong letter.

kala ko puro computers and airsoft ka lang. meron din palang romantic side sayo.

mejo nahilo lang ako sa layout mo.

9/21/2006 3:04 PM  
Anonymous cruise said...

obi, importante ang love, kung walang love baka wala tayong lahat dito ;)

9/22/2006 11:19 AM  
Blogger Iskoo said...

akmang akma ang topic mo ngayon sa skin ng blog mo. maganda!

9/22/2006 11:20 AM  
Blogger Obi Macapuno said...

karz: kahilo no? nag tetesting pa nga ko ng ibang color para sa font e kung ano yung lulutang sa background. sakit na nga ulo ko e. huhuhu.

kruz: hehe ye. all we need is love.

izkoo: ye. sinadya ko yan. hehe.

9/22/2006 4:44 PM  
Blogger cruise said...

ganda ng bago mong layout matagal ko na gusto magpalit pewro di ko magawa..di kasi ako marunong, hahaha.

ok yung design parang tinamaan ng airsoft ball yung puso, sumabulat ang dugo, haha. joke! ang lupet talaga ng design. in love ka ba?

9/24/2006 2:51 PM  
Blogger joyce said...

nahihirapan po akong basahin. :(

mukhang maganda pa naman ung post mo (tungkol sa LOVE, inlove ka po ba?) :D hindi ko pa nababasa ng maayos, bumisita lang ako ulit.

Cool kung sa cool ung lay out, gawan mo na lng po ng paraan ung text :D

basahin ko mamaya to, then saka ako magcomment ng maayos ulit. :)

Bloghopping... tagal k nang hindi nakakapag-blog-hop.

9/25/2006 10:46 AM  
Blogger aCey said...

uuyyyy..... ayeee!

9/25/2006 12:26 PM  
Blogger jai skizzy said...

ayos! maganda! bravo!

9/25/2006 9:04 PM  
Blogger Obi Macapuno said...

cruz: medyo lang pre. hehe. naku pre sakit ng ulo mag palit. mamirmi ka na lang sa layout mo. mas simple pa.

joyz: ang golo nga ng kolay e. kahit ako labong labo. hehe. salamats sa daan.

azee: ahuhuhuy. kinikilig ako. hehe.

skizzyo: salamats. sana lang may tamang kulay na lumutang sa background.

9/26/2006 4:56 PM  

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